It completely and utterly baffles me how fashion bloggers and interior design bloggers will buy an item for $800 that they LOOOOOOOOOOVE<3<3<3 and then sell it a year later like “meh.” It was $800. $800!!!!!!!!!!!! OR MORE. Sometimes WAY more! What is going on with the world I don’t even
Ahhh, Netflix. First everyone loved to love it, now we all love to hate it. I remember when everyone had a Netflix, but now we’re all jumping ship since the price updates, and now of course the announcement that Netflix is breaking off its DVD service and calling it Qwikster. The tldr; of that blog post is basically this: Netflix raised the price of their streaming+dvd service to 40% more, and now is “rebranding” their DVD service to the idiotic name of Qwikster (yes, with a w and a k) and having two separate sites, two separate ratings, two separate searches, and so on.
It may seem completely idiotic to most people why on earth they are doing this, but I will tell you the simple reason: Netflix is trying to increase their streaming and kill their DVDs because the profit margins on the streaming is insanely high compared to DVD.
This pisses me off on two levels. First, the price, and second, the sleazy and underhanded way they are trying to push everyone to conform to their awful streaming selection. If you read the comments, you’ll realize I’m not alone. My favorite is how Reed Hastings is like “Omg I love you” to everyone that agrees with him, and he is snarky and snide to everyone who doesn’t. Nice! Also, I’m not even going to begin to express my amusement (and not the good kind of amusement) at the name Qwikster.
A lot of people ragequit at the price increase, and I suspect people will also quit because of this new development: the idiotic customer service, the lack of connection between the two services, and the non-apologetic apology.
This is great for me, because it’s the wake-up call I need. How much TV have I been watching, and how much do I REALLY need to be watching? Unfortunately Cambridge, being a college town, has no video rental stores anymore aside from Redbox, but I can live with Amazon rentals or Hulu+ instead. Not having access to every single movie imaginable will force me to indulge in more meaningful entertainment, like reading or writing, and I think I need that.
So thanks, Netflix, for making my decision for me!
Argh blogging! You are the bane of my existence right now and I am SO over blogs. I’m tired of everyone posting perfect pictures of their perfect lives and then getting 100 comments being like “omg your life is soooo perfect those pictures are sooooo beautiful you are soooooo cute etc.” Nobody’s life is perfect! And maybe I’m lame for thinking so, but I’d rather hear about what people are ACTUALLY doing than seeing Photoshop enhanced “vintage” pictures of someone’s sock drawer (see: Instagram, where everyone’s pictures look exactly the same). I want to forge a relationship with my fellow bloggers, and blogging has seemed so one-way these days. Most bloggers don’t return comments and the few that do struggle to post and find blogs they like anyway. It’s really sad. I honestly miss back in the day blogging, when everyone made creative, beautiful layouts. Sure, people were still snobby then (remember “elite” cliques?), but I felt like there was genuine expression.
I think it’s because these days people aren’t writing for themselves. They’re writing for other people almost exclusively. That’s actually what everyone wants to read – they want to read stuff written FOR them, not FOR the author. It makes sense – the Internet has become a medium of information as it’s grown. It used to be when we’d post we’d post sort of in a vacuum – a website was a playground for our own information and experiments because we were still figuring out what we could do. These days it’s not a playground, it’s a communication, especially with the introduction of Twitter.
But here’s what I can’t figure out – if it’s a conversation, why do these bloggers never return comments? Why do they never reply to comments within their own blog? Why are they not fostering this discussion? Why do they sit there, accept 100 comments of “you are awesome” and never once respond to their viewers, even within their own posts (like, “thanks for all the comments, guys!” or even a simple “how is everyone today?”). Could it be that these bloggers are *gasp* full of themselves?
Yes, I’m throwing that out there. I’m actually kind of tired of this behavior. You don’t have to comment on every single entry, and I get that when you’re getting 100 comments it gets tough. But I feel sucky when I’ve diligently commented for many, many entries and never once gotten a single communication back at me. It makes me feel like a groupie. That’s just creepy.
I think the worst offenders also tend to be the ones that are like “LOOK AT ME DAMMIT” anyway. Their blog posts aren’t interesting in the first place. The more comments they get, the more they post stuff like a single picture and the less they post stuff like “Here is how my life is going right now and here is what I’m interested in; I’m actually going to write some words about something worth reading instead of posting some eye candy.” I mean, if you’re just posting up pictures of the perfect parts of your life, why are you blogging anyway? What is your aim? What are you trying to achieve? I think people need to start being honest with themselves about why they’re blogging.
I want to see something raw. I want to read something real. The blogs I love, like Yikes Machine and Sunbeam Soapbox and Stoneview and Verhext and Skyspun and Caity and many, many others are honest, heartfelt, and interesting. Even though all these blogs often post gorgeous pictures, they’re real pictures, pictures of life and happenings and goings on and they compliment the words instead of filling in for them. I look forward to you guys’ posts, seriously.
Anyway, just ranting as usual. Nothing to see here. Move along.
I had an epiphany the other night, and I wanted to share it. This is for all the over-worriers out there, the fretters, the smart kids who are fearful of making the wrong choice, and of suffering because of it. I know all about this first hand, because I am also a professional worrier.
Well, just one definition. So, you are smart, and you are a worrier. Therefore, I know two things about you: 1) you are going to analyze every aspect of every decision that you possibly can and 2) you worry more about big life decisions than you do about what to have for breakfast. Therefore, for the sake of this argument, a decision is going to be defined as the Big Ones, the ones that aren’t so straightforward, the ones where when you make a list of pros and cons, but you still have no idea what to do. The paralyzing ones. The permanent ones.
They tend to be stuff like: Do I break up with her? Do I quit my job? Do I marry him? Do I take the internship? Do I tell my friend he’s annoying? Which college should I attend? What should I major in? Where should I move?
You know, the big ones.
So, how do you decide what to do? You’ve made lists, you’ve consulted your friends. Everything has told you one way or another but as you stare at your decision you still have no idea what to do. What if you make the wrong choice?
Here is my epiphany: There is no wrong choice.
Recently I had to make a permanent decision on the fly. It was a choice that I’d have to live with for a long time, and I didn’t have much time in which to make it. Luckily, someone was there to help me with my choice. He said, “Remember, both choices are correct. It’s just a decision, and no matter which choice you make, it’s the right one.”
There will be consequences to both, consequences that you’ve predicted and consequences you can’t even imagine. You just don’t know. Sometimes, the choice doesn’t end up at all what you’ve expected. It’s still the right choice.
Once you choose, you just give it all you’ve got. You’ve made your decision, and so you just back it up. You’ve chosen to stay with your job, so you work hard and make the most of it. You’ve chosen to break up with the boyfriend, so you stick with it and move on and enjoy your life alone. It IS the right choice, even if there are negative consequences. Don’t let regret seep in. Don’t let your friends tell you you chose poorly. Don’t EVER emotionally abuse yourself for the decision. IT IS THE RIGHT ONE.
Sometimes the decision will come up again later on, but it’s a different decision at that time. Let’s say you’ve chosen to stay with your boyfriend. You give it all you’ve got, but a year down the line you realize you’re at those same crossroads again. Progress is going slowly and you’re not sure if you’re happy. Do you stay and keep working on it? Maybe this time you want to break up. The point is that this is a separate decision – it doesn’t mean you made the wrong choice previously. Even if this time you decide to break up, you still made the right choices – you did what felt right to you at both times. Even if your friends roll their eyes and say snotty things like, “You should have just broken up with him in the first place,” take comfort in knowing that I think your friends are idiotic. You did what was right at the time.
So the point is, you learn. No matter what other people say or do, no matter how much you think other people are expecting you to never screw up when you choose, it’s always the right thing as long as you give it your best. Even if your decision results in cataclysm, do not regret it. You never know what would have happened if you had chosen the other one instead, and there’s no use in dwelling on it.
You already know to weigh the choices. You already know to think it through. You already know to do your research. But from there, sometimes you just need to choose without worry or fear. You will do okay in the end no matter what. No decision is the wrong decision. Don’t let it paralyze you, and don’t regret it. Just make it and support it.
Just simple things.
In other news, I am so over blogging. I don’t even know what to post anymore. I am probably going to keep doing what I’m doing (wordy posts with hardly any pictures whenever I feel like blogging), so I understand if nobody wants to read it.
I don’t have a good excuse for not blogging. Truthfully, I’ve been thinking of a lot of things. I recently reconnected with an old high school friend, and because of several things he’s said, I’ve in complete self-doubt mode for the first time ever about my interests and hobbies.
I don’t want to trash the guy because he’s really a good guy, but several things he’s said have implied that 1) having hobbies like cooking/sewing/baking is good for a woman and 2) women are more inclined to want to be domestic and 3) men are the heads of the households and of relationships. I’m going to ignore 3 because seriously, come on.
But 1 and 2 have got me thinking and worrying. I think that if it is true, it’s not because of genetics or anything, but how women are raised and told how to be by society. But is it true? I don’t know, and it worries me. I’ve never before thought that baking or cooking or sewing or learning how to DIY things like butter, lotion, bread, etc were anything more than just a money-saving, quality-assuring thing. I DIY a ton of stuff to get the most for my money, and it’s as simple as that. But is there the perception by others that it’s a more sinister thing? Are people analyzing it to be some sort of regression?
I think that the media is definitely wondering why women are DIYing these days – or, as they call it, going back to their “domestic roots” (!!!). I truthfully think they are overanalyzing it, because articles are talking about how “women can’t handle corporate life, and so are turning back to their domestic roots” and crap like that. Most of the people I know who create their own things for their life do it because they can, because they love art and creating, and because they honestly are willing to save a bit of money and get a better product. I also think it’s much more socially acceptable for women to do ANYTHING (change a tire, can some jam, fix your bike, wear a skirt, handle your finances, sew a dress, get a high-paid job, and so on) than it is for men. I know that really contradictory, and I’m not saying that women can succeed in the same ways as men can, but I’m saying that in the general range of things to do, women can pretty much choose to do anything. For example, men can’t care about fashion, sew, bake cookies, be a housedad, and so on without being called “gay” and “effeminate” (which obviously aren’t bad things, but you know how damaging it is for a budding fashionist to be called a “fag” by his friends at school). So that would explain why more women are branching out and knitting, sewing, gardening, and canning – simply because they can.
But at the same time, there are still idiots who believe that women can only do XYZ and men can only do ABC. I had a lot of doubt for awhile about it, about my own motivations and about the identity crisis between being a generalist who is interested in trying EVERYTHING and the gender roles that this can make people perceive about me. But baking cakes, cooking, and making my own lotions (as well as fixing my bike and being quite handy with power tools) doesn’t say anything about who I am as a person, and the fact that Chris sews, bakes bread, and loves fashion doesn’t say anything about him either. I’m not going to waste time proving myself as a capable person to anyone, and if they want to judge me for my hobbies, more power to them. I know why I do things, and that’s all that matters.
Related interesting article: 5 Stupid, Unfair and Sexist Things Expected of Men
I’ve been thinking a bit about rituals, like marriage or the birth of a baby or forming new families or entering next steps in one’s life and also holidays, like Valentine’s Day or Thanksgiving or other mainstream holidays (especially Valentine’s Day). I’ve been thinking about how these things these days are often wrought with consumerism, with people doing things for all the wrong reasons, and how many of us have barked over and over again at how trite, how ridiculous, how antiquated, or how greedy many of these things are, and some of us have finally declared, “Forget it! I HATE this and I’m not doing it anymore because it’s ridiculous!.” It’s true that many of these holidays and rituals have been created for all the wrong reasons, but I still think it’s important to shape how we think about them in a positive way.
I think that negativity against rituals and holidays are really common among the, I don’t know what to call it, the non-mainstream crowd? The types of people who devour words, either online or on paper, from articles to blog entries to everything else. We think very critically about how to make this world a better place, and we tend to be suspicious and questioning of things that the general public seems to adore. We tend to think before we buy, or think before we participate, and that includes many rituals and holidays. And I think that’s definitely a good thing.
But at the same time, I think that dismissing something outright because other people celebrate it for the wrong reasons is… well, a little reactionary. I think that one of the most important things we can do as thoughtful, intelligent people is retake it, to reframe how we think about it and how we celebrate it, and to encourage others to do the same. It’s not always easy, and it’s definitely not always possible, but I think it’s important. Loudly complaining on the Internet does nothing to reshape how people think about rituals, and instead just encourages negativity. Telling a person she’s an idiot for getting married because marriage is antiquated and relies on a patriarchal culture doesn’t do anything except make the person feel bad about the decision that she may have spent a long time thinking out. Just because something was either founded on immoral principles, or has since turned into a consumer nightmare, doesn’t mean we have to do exactly what everyone else is doing, and it doesn’t mean we have to ignore it. It just means that we have to put our money where our mouth is, essentially, and start living what we think these things should be, or, at the very least, be positive towards other people who do celebrate.
The point is we don’t know why other people celebrate what holidays, and we don’t know why certain people choose to get married or have a child or adopt a child or whatever else. It’s easy to judge all people, especially when all you hear over and over again is how you NEED to go buy your girlfriend diamonds on Valentine’s Day. It gets frustrating to see how greedy people are, and we throw our hands up and yell at the TV, “Come on, don’t you realize that you should love your partner every single day of the year, not just on Valentine’s Day?!” But I think it’s important to respect those for all the decisions they choose to make.
Rituals and holidays are also extremely important, and not just to the individual. How we shape families and togetherness depends directly on it. We feel a collective cultural nod when everyone hangs lights in December, and for some people, those lights represent a small beauty in their world that they look forward to each and every year. For other people, yes, they’re just trying to win a neighborhood Best Lights award. But we don’t know why they do what they do, and it’s unfair to judge, because without rituals like this, we would have nothing to tie us together culturally and as a family. Perhaps the woman having a baby has spent years of fertility treatment not because she is selfish or wants to be Octomom or doesn’t understand the sheer amount of babies who need to be adopted, but because having a baby is extremely important to her and has always been. And it’s not just important to her to have a baby to raise – it is important to their family, and important to her identity.
It’s funny, because we as liberal, smart, hard-working, eco-friendly, crafty people tend to be more socially tolerant than a lot of other people. But it’s important to extend that love and respect to people who do give into consumerism and don’t think about what they’re buying or doing or why.
(PS. Obviously I mean this in the nicest way ever! Everyone I know is really tolerant and great – I just have noticed this sort of behavior on online communities and I’m such a softie, wishing we can all just get along and support each other)
Half-heartedly looking for a loveseat on Craigslist and I come across these pictures:
No offense, random Craiglist guy selling a chair and sofa, but these are an example of funiture style that I see EVERYWHERE on Craiglist and cannot fathom how anyone could possibly find this to be attractive. I mean, really? REALLY? The saggy, awkward arms, the weird chunkiness of the base, the bizarre shiny polyester (or worse, saggy leather) …
I seriously have no idea how this is attractive to ANYONE. Look at those weird arms on that chair! It’s a rectangle of stuffed fabric draped over it! Look at how wrinkly the fabric is! I get that it’s old, but wow. WOW. Even new, this did not look good, guaranteed. I also really hate the chunky bachelor-pad leather furniture ala La-Z-Boy:
It seriously can’t be just me. Furniture like that reminds me of the Michelin Man.
I stumbled across this article, about the recent trend in artsy photographs and bloggers with seemingly perfect lives and how blogs have shut down because of that seemingly endless quest to portray oneself as being put-together, perfect, and vintagy. It made me start thinking about blogging and the reason we all blog in general.
On many blogs, the blogger takes sepia-influenced, whimsical pictures of lemonade on the back porch, beautiful artwork, vintage dresses, vintage-inspired Etsy necklaces, handwritten notes on hand-stamped creamy thick paper. It’s eye candy at first, but at what point is too much too much?
A few weeks ago, I was going crazy trying to make my new apartment PERFECT. I had spent my time reading design blogs, including Apartment Therapy, and I couldn’t believe how slowly the unpacking was going, and the apartment was still a mess, and why oh why didn’t I have a dozen beautiful Swedish prints in vintage frames, damn it! And my clothes were all wrong – where were my vintage frocks and dainty oxfords and cozy cardigans? I wore a T-SHIRT AND JEANS on Friday, August 27th. Here I was, freaking out because my life was not perfect and my photographs were turning out incredibly sucky and I baked some amazing flatbread but my kitchen table was covered in magazines and junk so I couldn’t take a picture of it because GOD FORBID someone see my mess, and I can’t show you guys my new apartment because my living room covered in cat hair.
I realized I was going crazy trying to have some perfect life which I definitely do not have. And then, it was time to stop reading the design blogs and the fashion blogs and the everything else blogs and cool it for awhile. I needed to be happy with my own life. It’s easy to see something and say I MUST HAVE THAT BECAUSE IF I DO ALL MY TROUBLES WILL BE SOLVED but really it just makes you insecure with your own life and who you are. And I love seeing eye candy, but sometimes it’s time to say stop and read something else.
So that’s that. My life is busy and topsy-turvy and I spend most of my day at work. I’ll never be a design blogger or a fashion blogger or an art blogger or anything else. I’m just going to be City of Mania, a collection of hobbies and strange insights into myself and what I’m thinking about or doing on a particular day. I’ll never have a billion viewers, but I’m really okay with that. As long as posting never becomes a chore, I’ll keep blogging.
PS: Contemplating some site changes and some life changes. I’ll keep you guys updated if and when I actually make a decision.
I was going to post about something else, but this is frustrating me now, so I’m going to ramble for a bit. I’m tall. Not super tall (5’8″), but tall enough for it to be a problem, with long arms and legs and broad shoulders. I’m also skinny, as in I have skinny arms and a tiny waist and chest but I carry all my weight in the hips and butt. I’m a size 2 in dresses but 4-8 in pants.
My fashion problems:
So basically, it’s really hard for me to buy shirts, pants, skirts, dresses, shorts, sweaters, jackets, and long-sleeved shirts. Because I’m tall and thin. And every time I walk into a department store, I get to stare at an ENTIRE SECTION devoted to petite women (and some department stores are devoted to plus-size women as well), but I’m left struggling, trying on clothes for hours, and walking away with maybe one thing that needs to be tailored anyway. It’s a nightmare.
(cut because this is pretty long)