Game making!

Lately I’ve been working on an actual game. It’s going to be a visual novel (assuming I actually finish it and it doesn’t end up like all the other projects I do, har har) in the theme of a murder mystery. Your decisions in investigating and who you are going to trust can affect the ending. It’s still hugely in development, but I had some prototype screens I thought it would be fun to share.

(On that note, I am looking for a character artist – anybody? I can’t pay much, if at all, since this is just a for-fun project…)

Also ignore the huge smiley face – like I said, I need an artist!

I think the funnest part about game-making is the writing and planning. It’s hugely fun being able to put everything together into a whole experience. Unlike a novel, a visual novel includes choices, images, music, and sounds. It’s so immersive and fun for even non-gamers to play since there’s no skill involved aside from reading!

The toughest part is the sheer amount of work involved. It’s hard acknowledging I can’t do it all myself if I want to get this done and out the door. I’m going to have to rely on other people for talents I don’t have or free resources I can’t find, like music, sound, and character art.

I’m hoping this will be a great way to expand my storytelling and my creativity as a whole. It’s weird thinking about a story as a whole experience instead of just words on a page!

Musings on Nanowrimo

Have you guys noticed my word count is slowly creeping up? Yes, I have been WRITING! It’s funny now NOT doing Nanowrimo is such a weight off. I’ll write for about 500-700 words and then be like, “Okay, it’s getting tedious” and I’ll just stop. And because of my leisurely pace, I am ENJOYING writing so much that sometimes I’ll pound out 1000 words before I even realize what I’m doing. I take breaks. I feel like I can go back and reread and correct a sentence.

And it’s a million times better than doing Nanowrimo.

I appreciate Nanowrimo for its encouragement, and getting me to think in terms of writing every day, and the 6 or 7 novels I’ve written over the past 6 or 7 years. But that’s it. I can’t even begin to voice how happy I am that I decided not to do Nanowrimo anymore because it was beginning to poison my thinking.

I’ve noticed that there are two ways people think about Nanowrimo: either with general “that’s cool” indifference or with tons of love. But I haven’t seen too many people criticize it, which is what I’m about to do. Bear with me.

Nanowrimo changed the way I thought about writing. It turned it from a “let’s write 1000 fun words and then lose interest” to a “let’s write 50,000 unfun words and then lose interest.” I was getting more words, but they were awful words and I wasn’t having a good time. I enjoyed the feeling of accomplishment, but I was killing myself. And then for the rest of the year I would write a bit but it was just so exhausting. Part of it was that I was still in nanomode – write at least 1000 words a day mode (preferably 2000). I’d think about deadlines and think, “I can write a whole novel in two months if I just keep up my nano-pace!” And it was destroying my creativity.

This year Stephanie and I decided we weren’t going to do Nanowrimo. We had proved we could do it and it was a good year to call it quits. My reason was that I was so tired of being creatively burned out all year round. I wanted to write every day, but I couldn’t. And more to the point, I didn’t know how to write non-Nano style. I had been doing it for so long that I had forgotten how to just write.

So I finally said, forget it. And decided I would write not every day, but most every day. And I also decided to have a maximum of 500 words when I wrote. No more, but possibly less. And some days I didn’t write, and those days I didn’t beat myself up. And on the days I did write, something magical started happening.

I was enjoying it again. I was writing and I was loving my words, loving my story, and it wasn’t a chore. I wanted to write. I was waking up an extra half an hour early so I could have time to make coffee and spend some quality time with my netbook in the mornings. And I’m still doing it, and the words are still coming, and I’m still enjoying it. The words are actually flowing – I’m not forcing them to come out like I had to do with Nanowrimo. Once the flow stops, I stop. No forcing myself to come up with stupid sentences and plot turns just for the sake of words. No rushing. Just me and my story, ambling along at the pace that works for me.

And part of me feels like Nanowrimo is almost becoming a joke these days. With silly rules like “you can’t work on an already-started story” and contests like “try to have a penguin in every chapter!” it’s just becoming a game, not something serious at all. And I’m not saying writing should be all grindstone and no smiles ever, but it’s not the sort of environment I want to work in anymore. My writing IS serious – it’s fun but it’s also serious, and it’s very intense simultaneously with having a good time. Writing to me isn’t about rules or contests, it’s about a story and a theme and characters and something very beautiful that comes from within. And I know it’s controversial or mean to say, and it’s just my opinion, but I feel like Nanowrimo is cheapening the act of writing in some ways, at least for me.

And so that’s why I’m not doing it this year, and that’s why I may never do it again. I’m still going to root for all of you guys rushing for the finish line, but it’s just not for me right now in my life. I like to think of it as a tool, or a workshop – a way to gain experiences and learn discipline, but not really the right thing for everyday writing. It’s a thrill, but it’s also exhausting. It’s like a relationship – I had my time with it but it’s over, at least for now. And my writing is evolving as I am, and I hope that my creativity and desire to write will keep going for a long time to come.

Writing update

Holy crap. I woke up this morning with a name on my lips and a fully-fledged story in my head. On the way to the subway, I couldn’t get the story out of my head. It just keeps growing and evolving. Now I’ve got pages of info on characters, plot, conflict, setting, and so on. It’s incredible. I’ve NEVER GOTTEN THIS BEFORE. Ever!

And things just continuously fall into place. I say to myself, “Why on earth would that character even do that?” and then I glance back at my notes, see another unanswered question, and say, “DOH! Of course, it’s so obvious! The answer to this question is the character’s motivation!” And it’s just incredible to see everything coming together and realizing I have nothing but love and adoration with all my characters.

Usually I sit there, painstakingly and logically coming up with a plot that is cool and so on. I start with an interesting idea, and then I force things out of it following all the Rules You Are Supposed To Follow When You Write so my setting is usually stale Anytown, USA, my monsters are usually Silent Hill knockoffs, my characters are lifeless and boring (and I always usually only have a main character, with no earthly idea who even my antagonist is), my plot devices cheap and stupid, my writing struggling because I don’t have nearly enough characters, nearly enough setting, and nearly enough conflict, and I can’t seem to rip those things out of my brain enough to get more.

Take Emerson, for example. I had this great idea, and then started fleshing it out. It was… okay. I liked it. I liked it enough to write the first part of it, and I liked it enough to actually take pleasure in a few scenes. But it felt, and still feels, ridiculously forced. Emerson is so alone – he has no one to talk to, and his head is getting boring. He has no friends, his only interaction with his family is stifled and really boring (I mean, seriously, it doesn’t matter to the plot and no one cares). And I’m having an okay time writing it, okay enough that it gets written maybe once every other week.

Despite this, I’m going to do something bad, something I told myself I was NOT, under any circumstances, allowed to do. I’m going to put Emerson on a backburner and work on this new one. If it doesn’t pan out, or I stop enjoying it, it’s back to Emerson. But I want to give it a chance, guys, because I’ve never before come up with four characters, a ton of conflict, and an amazing plot in just a day. NEVER.

I think I’ll also make an effort to semi-participate in Nanowrimo. I’m going to keep writing an existing story, and there’s no way I’m writing 1000 words a day, but maybe something like 300-400 words a day as a goal? It’s a good time to get into the habit of writing every day, even if I’m not going for gold this year.

I’m EXCITED. So excited. I can’t wait!

Deadly Premonition

I cannot count the ways that I love this game. I want to make a fansite devoted to it (does anyone else remember fansites? oh man). I know none of my readers are gamers, but hear me out. This game is GREAT. I mean, seriously great. I won’t bore you with any of the technical aspects to gameplay, because I really want people to read this, but let me just say it’s earned a reputation for being a REALLY CRAPPY GAME (although the Something Awful review DOES acknowledge the fact that it really is the greatest game ever). Because the graphics are bad and it plays poorly too. But the point isn’t the gameplay, it’s the plot and atmosphere and characters. Hear me out.

So, you play as Francis York Morgan, but call him York. Everybody does. York is an FBI investigator sent to a tiny town to try to discover the mystery of a girl’s death. He is also crazy. He has an imaginary friend named Zach and frequently sees insane stuff, like weird rooms, twin angels, and zombies. The game basically traces his journey through trying to discover the mystery of a small-town murder, which seems to be linked with other murders he has witnessed. The one thing that connects all of the crimes is red seeds on, near, or in the victims.

This is the best game I’ve ever played. It’s like a movie. Every single scene is rich with story, every single character is unique. It has everything I love about a good story in it – creepy happenings, a crazy main character, a deep, cutting mystery that affects the entire town. I love this game. It’s going to definitely inspire future short stories/novels…

Some writing tips

I don’t know how people feel about Chuck Palahniuk, but I think he’s an alright dude. More than alright, I think he’s interesting, which is far better than just being alright. I’ve never ever read Fight Club but I enjoy the movie okay. My favorite book by him is Choke but I’ve also read Survivor. I think his main characters are delightfully mad, if a little dysfunctional, and everyone knows how much I love delightfully mad characters.

Anyway, he recently posted up some Extremely Useful tips on writing. These aren’t useful unless you actually USE them, but I’d like to comment a bit on each of his points.

Here is his list of tips.

Here is my commentary on each one as follows:

1. The egg timer method of writing is great. When I do Nanowrimo, I tend to use this method. Write for an hour and stop when I’m done, or keep going, depending on how I feel. Unfortunately, I get burned out if I do this every day on top of my day job and other hobbies. I prefer half an hour timers and I also prefer to not write every day. I know what you’re thinking: but how do you EVER get any writing done? The answer is that forcing myself to write for hours on end every single day is a great way for me to get burned out. Fast.
2. I agree with his point about the audience being very very smart. In fact, I think that authors do a good job of generally assuming we’re smart. Movie-makers, however, tend to dumb down movies for us. That is a rant for another day.
3. I think his third point can best be summed up with: don’t write meaningless scenes. I am a fan of this – in fact, I’m a little guilty of doing it TOO much. I tend to leave out scenes of characterization and such when they’re a little necessary, and then I find myself having to go back and put them in. I guess it’s better to be safe than sorry?
4. Surprising yourself is necessary to surprising your audience. This ties in with DO NOT OUTLINE AND PLOT OUT EVERY SINGLE ASPECT OF YOUR STORY.
5. Five ties in with four. You can surprise yourself just by rereading your story from time to time. I need to do this more often. There’s often hidden gems.
6. Nothing to say about six. I’m really really introverted and not interested in partying, so my “party” is relaxing on the weekends.
7. Seven ties in with four and five. Don’t plot out everything. Go back, read over what you’ve written, and know your story. I would also argue to possibly know at least what you want to accomplish with your ending. I feel lost and go off on weird tangents when I don’t know the landing pad of my story.
8. Nothing to say about eight.
9. I really like number nine. This is advice I have not heard before and I think it’s extremely valuable.
10. I would go further with number ten. Chuck says, “Write the book you want to read.” I agree with this and I think most writers would, but I think it’s easy to read that advice and say, “Well duh” and then not think about it anymore. For years I went by thinking that the type of book I wanted to read and therefore write was a certain kind of book, namely whimsical urban fantasy. I tried my hand on it, and my first completed novel was actually an urban fantasy novel about a kid who finds a job working for a Finder, a man who finds lost things, and the kid’s world is opened up to fairies, goblins, and all sorts of cool things. It was a fun book to write, actually. But I realized over the past year that I didn’t actually know myself. I DO like urban fantasy a LOT, but there are other things that I love to read and write that I had no idea before because I had never ever picked up a book outside my comfort zone. I realized I like creepy books, horror, gothic novels, and so on, which can tie in neatly with urban fantasy. But my point is, you really need to KNOW what it is you like to read. If you’ve never picked up a certain genre, you will never ever know if you like it. You can sit there and say, “I love high fantasy!” but if that’s all you ever read, you’ll never experience other genres. Go out and explore genres, join a book club, or read books you otherwise wouldn’t, even if (especially if!) you feel silly doing so. This is where libraries come in handy.
11. I’m curious about number eleven. Any thoughts?
12. I completely agree with number twelve. And I think it ties back into number ten. The thing is, you have to REALLY know yourself to know what issues you feel extremely strongly about. So for example, you may think you want to write about wars and death. You may think you really care about these things–after all, everyone does, right? But the thing is, you need to look deep within you to discover what REALLY moves you, what frightens and scares you, what makes you more angry than anything else in the world. For me, it’s actually not wars. I don’t care about wars on a very deep level. I know it’s terrible to say but I just don’t. It’s not who I am. I also care about such things as the usual murder, theft, rape, so on and so forth, but there are a few things that affect me more than all of these things combined. THOSE are the things that I need to be writing about. And so it’s worth it to take some time, read some newspapers or sites like Digg and Reddit, and figure out which articles PISS YOU OFF. What about the world do you HATE? What about the world scares you? More than ANYTHING? It is the topics that you feel intense passion about that you need to be writing about (pardon my grammar).
13. And finally, number thirteen is beautiful, and you should all read it.

That’s it, those are my thoughts. It’s easy to read something like that and nod and say, “Yeah, it makes sense,” but REALLY consider each one of his points. They’re all excellent and it’s worth it to take some time to consider exactly what this means for you.

Explanations about Writing

Writing has been going well, or as well as can be expected considering how busy and tired I’ve been lately. I started a short story a few days ago to relax my brain and it ended up turning into chapter one of a novel (?). It’s not very good or unique, but it’s pretty fun. Not sure if I’ll actually continue it. It was a good exercise though.

The main thing I’m working on has been a bit tough.  I suck at coming up with titles, but we’ll call it Emerson for now, since that’s the name of my main character. I’m not an outliner, but neither am I a fly-by-the-seat-of-my-pants person, so I have a very rough outline, and I know how it’s going to end, and I have some notes about characters and such, but it’s constantly evolving in such a way that is just truly cool. I find myself consistently wanting to write each day, which is also a feeling I haven’t felt since I was a lot younger.

Here is the truth about writing. I used to date a guy who was a really awful, really terrible guy. Despite our short relationship, he hurt a lot of my creativity with critical, defeating comments. He thought he was being helpful, but I only needed encouragement, not criticism. And it wasn’t even good criticism. It was like, “I didn’t get it. I found it confusing. I think you should make it less confusing.” He didn’t like anything I wrote or drew, and he made this very very clear. When you’re young and getting started out, criticism and encouragement can break or make you. It broke me. It took years of poking at writing and really discovering who I am and where my worth lies for me to finally be able to write again. This is a recent thing. It feels good, but it also makes me sad about how long it’s taken. It’s part of the reason that I’m so sensitive to criticism on the Internet these days, or in real life either. I hate it when people criticize someone who DID NOT ASK FOR CRITICISM, and then when someone says, “that was really harsh,” they say, “If I don’t criticize, he’ll never get better!” Yeah, because it’s your responsibility to tell someone about how their work is bad.

Trust me on this. All a budding artist/writer needs is encouragement. No criticism, no attacks, no telling them to stop. The instant you do, you plant the seeds of doubt in the person. You make them reconsider. Sometimes you make them quit. Once they’re established, or they actively seek out criticism, then you may give it. But never give it if they didn’t ask for it. This is partly why I dislike a certain lady who criticizes websites for their layout, code, and so on, in an attempt to be funny or something, and then 90% of the time the owner of the site takes down the site in despair because of all the flames, trolls, and insults he/she gets, but that’s another story for another day.

Anyway, I think the decision to quite Nanowrimo also helped (I still may participate in Nanowrimo, depending on what my schedule looks like, maybe with a smaller wordcount, but for now I’m not thinking about it). There’s no, “Oh, I’d better save this idea for Nanowrimo,” which I know is really silly but still happened anyway. Now it’s like a weight has been lifted–screw “saving” the ideas, I’m using them now! And the best part is I’m getting all sorts of ideas now that my brain is freed up. I’ve been writing some of them down, and also just letting some of them go.

So, today might be a writing date for me. I may even go to a coffeeshop to write (something I’m normally too cheap to do), but maybe not. We’ll see!