On rituals and holidays and consumerism and reaction

I’ve been thinking a bit about rituals, like marriage or the birth of a baby or forming new families or entering next steps in one’s life and also holidays, like Valentine’s Day or Thanksgiving or other mainstream holidays (especially Valentine’s Day). I’ve been thinking about how these things these days are often wrought with consumerism, with people doing things for all the wrong reasons, and how many of us have barked over and over again at how trite, how ridiculous, how antiquated, or how greedy many of these things are, and some of us have finally declared, “Forget it! I HATE this and I’m not doing it anymore because it’s ridiculous!.” It’s true that many of these holidays and rituals have been created for all the wrong reasons, but I still think it’s important to shape how we think about them in a positive way.

I think that negativity against rituals and holidays are really common among the, I don’t know what to call it, the non-mainstream crowd? The types of people who devour words, either online or on paper, from articles to blog entries to everything else. We think very critically about how to make this world a better place, and we tend to be suspicious and questioning of things that the general public seems to adore. We tend to think before we buy, or think before we participate, and that includes many rituals and holidays. And I think that’s definitely a good thing.

But at the same time, I think that dismissing something outright because other people celebrate it for the wrong reasons is… well, a little reactionary. I think that one of the most important things we can do as thoughtful, intelligent people is retake it, to reframe how we think about it and how we celebrate it, and to encourage others to do the same. It’s not always easy, and it’s definitely not always possible, but I think it’s important. Loudly complaining on the Internet does nothing to reshape how people think about rituals, and instead just encourages negativity. Telling a person she’s an idiot for getting married because marriage is antiquated and relies on a patriarchal culture doesn’t do anything except make the person feel bad about the decision that she may have spent a long time thinking out. Just because something was either founded on immoral principles, or has since turned into a consumer nightmare, doesn’t mean we have to do exactly what everyone else is doing, and it doesn’t mean we have to ignore it. It just means that we have to put our money where our mouth is, essentially, and start living what we think these things should be, or, at the very least, be positive towards other people who do celebrate.

The point is we don’t know why other people celebrate what holidays, and we don’t know why certain people choose to get married or have a child or adopt a child or whatever else. It’s easy to judge all people, especially when all you hear over and over again is how you NEED to go buy your girlfriend diamonds on Valentine’s Day. It gets frustrating to see how greedy people are, and we throw our hands up and yell at the TV, “Come on, don’t you realize that you should love your partner every single day of the year, not just on Valentine’s Day?!” But I think it’s important to respect those for all the decisions they choose to make.

Rituals and holidays are also extremely important, and not just to the individual. How we shape families and togetherness depends directly on it. We feel a collective cultural nod when everyone hangs lights in December, and for some people, those lights represent a small beauty in their world that they look forward to each and every year. For other people, yes, they’re just trying to win a neighborhood Best Lights award. But we don’t know why they do what they do, and it’s unfair to judge, because without rituals like this, we would have nothing to tie us together culturally and as a family. Perhaps the woman having a baby has spent years of fertility treatment not because she is selfish or wants to be Octomom or doesn’t understand the sheer amount of babies who need to be adopted, but because having a baby is extremely important to her and has always been. And it’s not just important to her to have a baby to raise – it is important to their family, and important to her identity.

It’s funny, because we as liberal, smart, hard-working, eco-friendly, crafty people tend to be more socially tolerant than a lot of other people. But it’s important to extend that love and respect to people who do give into consumerism and don’t think about what they’re buying or doing or why.

(PS. Obviously I mean this in the nicest way ever! Everyone I know is really tolerant and great – I just have noticed this sort of behavior on online communities and I’m such a softie, wishing we can all just get along and support each other)